May 31 2008
The Top 5 Things That Piss Me Off/May 31
Hello, and welcome to my first post here on my blog. Most of the things I will be putting on here is my rant called The Top 5 Things That Piss Me off, which I got a lot of attention for on Myspace. I pretty much write out what everyone else is thinking, but too afraid or PC to say. You have been warned.
The Top 5 Things That Piss Me Off
5. Shoes with wheels in them
Ok, what stupid mother fucker invented those worthless things? Every time I go to the mall I see at least 3 kids with those retarded shoes, sliding by on their heels, making EVERYONE get out of the way. Are their parents telling them to stop? FUCK NO. They are usually holding their hands so the kids have maximum speed to knock over the elderly. The kids need to be whacked with a stick while riding by, and the parents beat upside the head with said shoe.
4. Lunchables
What the fuck ARE those things? Kids act like they are the shit wrapped in gold, but when I was a kid, they were a plastic stinky box with MSG filled meat squares, pieces of hard cheese, and Jello that tasted like all the other shit in the tray. They are nasty, worthless trendy items that are bought by ‘Moms- on-the-go’ who can’t sit down and make their kid a goddamn peanut butter sandwich. Stop poisoning your kids with this shit and give them an apple.
3. Loud children
Why is it every time I am anywhere in the city, some yank-off Yuppie has a screaming toddler in their hand? Why aren’t they turning to that child and saying, “If you don’t shit the fuck up in the next 5 seconds, I will come off the GROUND, I’m going to hit you so hard.” I know why; because they will get arrested. Why? Some fucking activist dick hole will view this and call CPS. Parents have become such goddamn pussies. “Now you listen here Piper–DAKOTA I AM TALKING TO YOUR SISTER, STAY OUT OF THIS.” No. Stop with the retarded reasoning, grow some balls, and beat that little loudmouth’s ass.
2. People who smell
Many of you who know me are aware of this one. I HATE PEOPLE WHO STINK. Is it that hard to put a bar of soap under your fucking arm? IS IT? Every where I go, there is some mother fucker walking by me who smells like a turd wrapped in burnt hair and it PISSES me off. I don’t know if it’s my weird obsession with being clean and smelling nice or WHAT, but the stinky people gotta go. They wash themselves, SOMETIMES, and then put on the same filthy shit. You STINK, you SMELL, fuck YOU, get AWAY. This is why I won’t date guys who smell like guys; if you stink like sweat and ass, FUCK OFF. If you smell like clean and Axe, come to mama.
And the number one thing that pisses me off…
1. Birds
I HATE BIRDS. You hear me? I absolutely HATE birds. I don’t have a fear of birds, I just have a severe loathing. They are loud and smelly, they fucking dookie bomb everything, and they fly right in front of me while I’m on my bike and cause me to have accidents. I guess my hatred started when I was 5 and a goose attacked me for a bag of cashews. Ever since then, adding my poor eyesight on, whenever a bird flies or lands anywhere near me I always scream, “BIRD!!!!!!” in this horrible angry voice. You know how kids/retarded adults run into flocks of pigeons? I throw shit over there. Usually heavy things like bricks. I haven’t clubbed one of the little stinky fucks yet, but trust me…I will.
